October 29th, 2005 | mosquito
Xipetotec and I seem to have the same reaction to music. For me it starts at my spine; right in the small of my back. From there it begins to radiate out across my body like the sun’s rays at sunrise. As it spreads, my skin begins to be covered in goosebumps and the hairs stand on end. Having had an anxiety attack once, I can say that it is very similar in it’s appearance, accept that there is no panic. Instead, it’s a natural high that there is no means to shake; nor a desire to for that matter. On many levels it is orgasmic. It only lasts a few moments at it’s peak intensity, but I feel it’s effects for probably the better part of an hour or two. Almost as if I have become a small sun radiating outward; an afterglow so to speak.
Sometimes it starts within the first hour of being in the studio, and then I spend the bulk of the time while riding a strange endorphine high. It is those sessions where my breathing begins to be deeper, my heartbeat slows, and I feel “tranced” like a tribal drummer. It is not something easily described. It is a state of mind with physical manifestations.
Xipetotec and I were talking about this very subject not long ago. It was easily within the past six weeks, as I know that I mentioned this behavior in passing to Alyce when we bumped into each other. Xipetotec’s statement was that others have commented to him that he “pants” when mixing under headphones. I’ve never had anyone say such a thing to me—likely due to the reality that most of my time has been “solo”—but I have noticed that my breathing becomes much different when I go into this state. If there is anything about music that is truly addictive to me it is this experience. Recently I seem to approach this state at least once during the course of being in the studio. It comes while listening to the tracks in the car as well. A well composed song by another will bring the same reaction.
The reason I bring this up is that xipetotec added this note beside his observations of “Following a Trail of Breadcrumbs:”
This song very nearly brings tears to my eyes! Way to beautiful…
I don’t know what happened during my initial sessions with the track. The goosebumps washed over me, my breathing altered, and I ended up emerging hours later every time feeling something. I knew what it was: I’d found myself again after a two year journey had stripped me of what I have to do. Now that xipetotec is adding to it, it’s becoming an epiphany that personally I feel is only capable when others work in collaboration. With Alyce putting in vocals for it, I couldn’t be happier about the trail followed. In some ways I feel the track itself has become our own “The Road Not Taken.” The “breadcrumbs” mearly a metaphor for the inability to return.
The effemination of males in society seems to push an agenda where it is “ok” to cry. I’m not sure how I stand on the issue. There is something to be said for expressing a range of emotion and not being tied to the stiff upper lip of manhood. Yet at the same time to be a man and cry shows weakness. The animalistic pecking order is still within humanity. Perhaps it is my own desire to hold ground within this “ladder” that makes it such a dichotomy. Maybe this engrained standard forces my hand to express this emotional communication in another form.
Whatever it is, when I see goosebumps—not only on my own arms but others as well—I know it’s right. Good music isn’t about a collection of sounds that just work together. That is the description of disposible music; something that for a period works, but gets old with time and looses it’s impact. Good music is the communication of emotion that brings the listener to the same level as the composer.